sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I came so hard my ears popped.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
