life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
