he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
