he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
