were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
