new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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