I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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