I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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