i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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