it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
