You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
