Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
