oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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