I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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