why didn't you poke me back
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she told me i tasted like america
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
