I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
