boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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