God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
