thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
