a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Boobs are out for the taking
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
