I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
A+ Viking dick
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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