week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
