i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
