You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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