Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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