I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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