i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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