You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize