Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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