batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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