I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
