Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
