At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
