felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
