lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
