Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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