My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
