How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
