My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize