We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dear god my vagina.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
