U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
