it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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