I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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