Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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