Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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