Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
