please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
