got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
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This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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