i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
