Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
