Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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