I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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