I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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