shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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