i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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