What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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