We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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