fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
