She's JV to your varsity
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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