fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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