absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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