Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
