it's like iHOP with fire
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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