is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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