i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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